Ok, not holding back today – I had a total breakdown yesterday. I thought long and hard whether I would share, but the reason I started this blog was to truly share my struggles and how I create better tomorrows through them. If I can help inspire one reader with sharing then it was worth it…but warning this is a heavy post, so if you are having a rough day maybe come back later and read.
Yesterday started off pretty normal with my early AM workout. I worked from home yesterday as I had several appointments throughout the day close to home, not my downtown office. So I made the hubby breakfast and we enjoyed that together. Then he left…and the breakdown began.
As I may have mentioned before, I have identified when I’m by myself and no one is around the binging begins, and OH BOY did it yesterday. If I wasn’t doing SOMETHING active I was eating, so working at a computer meant eating too. No good, I kept telling myself to stop, and I would at points, but then find myself eating more just a short bit later. Ok, enough of the details you get the point.
I let Dan know it was a rough day and he was prepared when he got home, just a hug and I lost it, tears and all. It seemed like the longest day ever. But HANDS DOWN he knows just what to do and say while also gently allowing me to lead the conversation. I told him I just wanted to hit the bed early and start fresh tomorrow (today, Thursday)…then the breakdown got worse.
We went to bed and Daniel prayed for me and my struggles and for him to know what to say…him praying for me is the most amazing thing ever…but I couldn’t fall asleep. I wanted to just put the day behind and we’d decided to talk about a plan of action for the future today….I COULD NOT SLEEP, so about 2:30 AM I finally fell asleep. I actually made myself have a normal morning, worked out, normal bfast…fresh start. And I made a huge step towards moving on…I may have thought I moved on from binge eating and other issues with my eating disorder but I don’t think I ever officially said GOOD BYE, I’M DONE WITH YOU…
so I did, and you mark it down folks April 24, 2013 was the last day of it. I know I’ve prayed for healing and strength so many times. Yes, I get mad that God doesn’t seem to be helping, but maybe I need to completely let go and let God (pardon the cliche phrase). So today NEW DAY, tomorrow EVEN better, and I know I can do this!
Heavy post I know, makes me vulnerable putting it all out there – yes, I know, and I hope it helps even just one person out there. I have so much more to write, feel free to ask questions/message me if uncomfortable. I know it is day by day, minute by minute, but already today I feel more empowered than ever before. I will make it a better tomorrow!
oh yes, and the hubby got me a ‘hugging’ bouqet…:)